(An extract from “In the Shade of the Quran”- Vol 30 by Sayyib Qutb-Translated by M.A. Salahi and A.A. Shamis -Crescent Publishing Company)

Girls Buried Alive

“When the infant girl, buried alive, is asked for what crime she was slain.” (Verses 8-9)

The value of human life must have sunk very low in pre-Islamic Arabian society.There existed a convention of burying young girls alive, for fear of shame or poverty.The Qur’ān describes this practice in order to portray its horror and denounce it as a practice of ignorance or jāhiliyyah. Its condemnation fits in perfectly with the declared aim of Islam, to destroy jāhiliyyah and save mankind from sinking to its depths. In Sūrah 16, The Bee, we read in translation: “When the birth of a girl is announced to one of them, his face grows dark and he is filled with rage and inward gloom. Because of the bad news he hides himself from everybody: should he keep her with disgrace or bury her under the dust? How ill they judge.”(16:58-9) And in Sūrah 17, The Night Journey: “You shall not kill your children for fear of want. We will provide for them and for you.”(17:31)

Girls were killed in an extremely cruel way. They were buried alive! The Arabs used different ways of doing so. Some would leave the girl until she was six years of age. The father would then say to his wife to dress the girl in her best clothes and make her presentable because she would be visiting her prospective in-laws. He would have already dug a hole for her in the desert. When the girl got there, he would tell her that the hole is a well and then tell her to look down it. As she stood at the edge, he would push her into the hole and as she fell, he would throw sand over her and bury her. In certain tribes when a pregnant woman was about to give birth, she would sit over a hole in the ground. When the baby was born she would first establish its sex. If it was a boy, she would take him home, and if it was a girl, she would throw her in the hole and bury her. If a father decided not to bury his daughter alive, he would bring her up in a condition of deprivation until she was old enough to tend sheep or cattle, giving her only an overall made of rough wool to dress and making her do this type of work.

Those Arabs who did not kill their young daughters or send them to mind cattle, had different methods of ill-treating women. If a man died, the head of the clan would throw his gown over the widow. This was a gesture of acquisition which meant that the widow could not marry anyone except the owner of the gown. If he was attracted to her, he would marry her, paying absolutely no regard to her feelings. If he did not marry her, he would keep her until she died so as to inherit any money or property she might leave behind.

Such was the attitude of jāhiliyyah society in Arabia to women. Islam condemns this attitude and spurns all these practices. It forbids the murder of young girls and shows its abhorrent and horrifying nature. It is listed as one of the subjects of reckoning on the Day of Judgement. Here, the sūrah mentions it as one of the great events which overwhelms the universe in total upheaval. We are told that the murdered girl will be questioned about her murder. The sūrah leaves us to imagine how the murderer will be brought to account.

The jāhiliyyah social order of the pre-Islamic period would never have helped women to gain a respectable, dignified position. That had to be decreed by God. The way of life God has chosen for mankind secures a dignified position for both men and women who share the honour of having a measure of the divine spirit breathed into them. Women owe their respectable position to Islam, not to any environmental factor or social set-up. When the new man with heavenly values came into being, women became respected and honoured. The woman’s weakness of being a financial burden to her family was no longer of any consequence in determining her position and the respectshe enjoyed. Such considerations have no weight on the scales of heaven.

Real weight belongs to the noble human soul when it maintains its relationship with God. In this men and women are equal.


More than 35 million people in Bangladesh, around a quarter of its population, face acute poverty and hunger. Dowry payments of more than 200 times the daily wage and costly medical expenses are major causes of this chronic poverty says research from the University of Bath.

Dr Peter Davis, of the Centre for Development Studies based in the University’s Department of Economics & International Development, has been investigating the issues forcing families into poverty as part of a long-term study in collaboration with the International Food Policy Research Institute (IFPRI), the Chronic Poverty Research Centre (CPRC), and Data Analysis and Technical Assistance Ltd., Dhaka (DATA).

The research found that those households with lower levels of education, that owned less land, had fewer assets and had many young children and elderly relatives, faced the most difficulty in escaping poverty.

The custom of paying a dowry to the future husband’s family when a daughter is married is illegal in Bangladesh, but is still practised by most families living in rural areas. Payment is normally upwards from 20,000 Taka (around £190 or $313 U.S.) and since typical earnings are only 100 Taka (94 pence) per day, this can be a major contributor to poverty for many families with daughters.

Dr Davis found that medical expenses involved in the care of elderly relatives were also a common issue for families living in poverty.

“Some families face a ‘double whammy’, having to pay wedding expenses and dowry for their daughters at the same time in life when elderly relatives are needing more expensive medical care,” said Dr Davis, who spent several months in the country training and working with researchers from DATA Bangladesh to conduct interviews with families for the study.

“Measures such as improving education, employment and health services could play a really significant role in alleviating poverty in these families.

“The government in Bangladesh has already taken positive steps in increasing the enrollment of girls in schools, which should decrease the practice of giving and demanding dowry.”

The researchers surveyed 2,000 households based in 102 rural villages across Bangladesh, that were originally interviewed between eight and 14 years ago, to assess the changes in poverty and well-being that occurred over time.

They found that almost half moved out of poverty during this time, but around one fifth remained chronically poor and a small percentage fell into poverty.

Uniquely, the researchers combined household data with about 300 individual life histories to provide a deeper understanding of the causes of chronic poverty in the country, rather than purely using quantitative conventional research approaches.

Dr Davis explained: “This research is different because it is qualitative as well as quantitative, so it doesn’t just measure the trends, but also finds out the stories behind the trends.

“The life histories collected for this study show that many poor people’s lives improve and decline in a ‘saw-tooth’ pattern, where slow improvements are reversed by sharp declines caused by events such as illness, large medical expenses, wedding expenses and legal disputes.

“This contrasts with the smooth pattern of progress or decline which is often suggested by more conventional research approaches.”

Dr Davis presented the findings with collaborators Agnes Quisumbing from IFPRI and Bob Baulch from the Chronic Poverty Research Centre at a workshop in August in Dhaka, Bangladesh.

The workshop was chaired by the director of the Bangladesh Institute of Development Studies and was attended by more than 100 senior government officials, international donors and civil society representatives.

Dr Davis added: “We’ve had a lot of very positive feedback on the research we presented at the workshop and we are planning to hold further meetings with senior government officials and policy makers after the December elections.”

Article from:  ScienceDaily (Oct. 31, 2008)


Marriage is a blessed contract and a social duty on the part of the society to preserve humankind as well as a means of providing a medium of love and mercy between each man and woman. The Quran describes relation in the most loving and eloquent terms “And Among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them ,and He has put love and mercy between your hearts (30:21)”

The righteous Muslim woman is the backbone of the family and the greatest blessing that Allah Subhaanahu wa’ ta’aala can give a man.

The rights of a Muslim woman

Islam gives women rights and recognition which are envied by Western women when they hear about women’s rights in Islam. This has been freely admitted by women’s liberation activists in Arab countries, as we have seen. Many of them have retracted their claims that Muslim women need to be liberated.

One such activist is Dr. Nawaa El-Saadawi, who was interviewed for the Kuwaiti newspaper af-Watan (mid-August 1989) was asked, “Do you think that the European women are an example to be copied?” She replied, “No, not at all. European women have advanced in some fields, but are backward in others. The marriage laws in Europe oppress women, and this is what led to the development of women’s liberation movements in those countries and in America, where this movement is very strong and is even at times quite vicious.”

Then she remarked: “Our Islamic religion has given women more rights than any other religion has, and has guaranteed her honor and pride, but what has happened is that men have sometimes used certain aspects of this religion to create a patriarchal class system in which males dominate females.”

Clearly this patriarchal oppression mentioned by Dr. El Saadawi, which has led to the oppression of women, has been caused by ignorance of the true teachings of Islam.

Equality before Allah

Islam instructs women to undertake the duties of faith and good morality exactly like men. Allah says in Surah Ahzab (33:35) “For Muslim men and women, for believing men and women, for devout men and women, for true men and women, for men and women who are patient and constant, for men and women who humble themselves, for men and women who give charity , for men and women who fast (and deny themselves) for men and women who guard their chastity and for men and women who engage much in Allah’s praise, for all these has Allah prepared forgiveness and a great reward.”

A woman has equal rights to live, inherit wealth and choose a life as much as a man does. A marriage may occur only when there is an ijab (proposal by the groom) and qabul (acceptance by the bride). Islam prohibits the mistreatment of women, Surah Nisaa (4:19) reads “O you who believe! You are forbidden to inherit women against their will. Nor should you treat them with harshness in order to take away part of the dower you have given them, but live with them equitably and honorably.

The notion of women’s rights in Islam is evident in giving her the right to choose a husband. The following hadith narrated by al Khansa bint Khidam quoted by Imam Bukhari gives it clear justification:

“My father married me to his nephew, and I did not like this match, so I complained to the Messenger of Allah (Sal) .He said to me, “Accept what your father has arranged” I said “I do not wish to accept what my father has arranged.” He said “then this marriage is invalid, go and marry whoever you wish.” I said “I have accepted what my father has arranged, but I wanted women to know that fathers have no right in their daughter’s matters (i.e. no right to force a marriage on them)”.

Her role in the family and society

The reasoning behind given a girl this freedom is because Islam wants a marriage to be successful. Islam has protected woman’s pride and humanity. The retrospect is that after the marriage , she may by Allah’s mercy establish a Muslim family and raise a new generation of intelligent and caring children in an atmosphere of love and harmony, which will not be impeded by conflicting attitudes or religious differences or any issues of incompatibility.

A woman came to ask the Prophet (Sal) about some matter, and when he had dealt with it, he asked her, “Do you have a husband?” She said, “Yes.” He asked her, “How are you with him?” She said, “I never fall short in my duties, except for that which is beyond me. He said, “Pay attention to how you treat him, for he is your Paradise and your Hell”.

The true Muslim woman devotes herself to taking care of her husband and household. She is always obedient to him provided that no sin is involved. She is eager to make him happy by everything she says or does. If he is poor, she does not complain about his inability to spend much. She does not complain about her housework because she remembers that many of the virtuous women in Islamic history set an example of patience, goodness and a positive attitude in serving their husbands and taking care of their homes despite the poverty and hardships they faced.

One of the foremost of these exemplary wives is Fatimah al-Zahra’, the daughter of Muhammad (Sal) and the wife of ‘All bin Abi Talib (RAA). She used to complain of the pain in her hands caused by grinding grain with the hand-mill. Her husband ‘Ali bin Abi Talib said to her one day, Your father has brought some female slaves, so go and ask him for one of them to come and serve you.” She went to her father, but she felt too shy to ask him for what she wanted. ‘Ali went and asked him to provide a servant for his beloved daughter, but the Prophet (Sal) could not respond to those who most dear to him whilst ignoring the needs of the poor among the Muslims, so he came to his daughter and her husband and said: “Shall I not teach you something that is better than that for which you asked me? When you go to bed at night, say ‘Subhaan Allah’ thirty-three times, ‘Al-hamdu lillaah’ thirty-three times, and ‘Allahu Akbar’ thirty-four times. This is better for you than a servant.” Then, he bid them farewell and left, after giving them this divine help which would make them forget their tiredness and help them to overcome their exhaustion. ‘Ali (Ral) began to repeat the words that the Prophet (Sal) had taught him. He said, “I never stopped doing that after he had taught me these words.” One of his companions asked him, ‘Not even on the night of Siffin?” He said, “Not even on the night of Siffin.”

The true Muslim woman devotes herself to taking care of her house and husband. She knows her husband’s rights over her, and how great they are, as was confirmed by the Prophet’s words:

“No human being is permitted to prostrate to another, but if this were permitted I would have ordered wives to prostrate to their husbands, because of the greatness of the rights they have over them.”

And: “If I were to order anyone to prostrate to anyone else, I would have ordered women to prostrate to their husbands.”

Aisha (May Allah be pleased with her) asked the Messenger of Allah (SaI): “Who has the greatest rights over a woman?” He said, “Her husband.” She asked, ‘And who has the greatest rights over a man?” He said, “His mother.

One of the most important ways in which the Muslim woman obeys her husband is by respecting his wishes with regard to the permissible pleasures of daily life, such as social visits, food, dress, speech, etc. The more she responds to his wishes in such matters, the happier and more enjoyable the couple’s life becomes, and the closer it is to the spirit and teachings of Islam.

The Muslim woman is constantly reminded that her obedience to her husband is one of the things that may lead her to Paradise, as the Prophet (Sal) said: “If a woman prays her five daily prayers, fasts her month (of Ramadan), obeys her husband and guards her chastity, then say to her ‘Enter Paradise by whichever of its gates you wish.”

Disobedience to husbands- a major sin

The Messenger of Allah (Sal) said: ‘There are three people whose prayers will not be accepted, neither their good works: a disobedient slave until he returns to his masters and puts his hand in theirs; a woman whose husband is angry with her, until he is pleased with her again; and the drunkard, until he becomes sober”

When these hadith refer to the husband being angry with his wife, they refer to cases in which the husband is right and the wife is wrong. When the opposite is the case, and the husband is wrong, then his anger has no negative implications for her: in fact, Allah (Subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aala) will reward the wife for her patience. But the wife is still required to obey her husband, so long as no sin is involved, because there should be no obedience to a created being if it entails disobedience to the Creator. Concerning this, the Prophet (Sal) is reported to have said “It is not permitted for a woman who believes in Allah (Subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aala) to allow anyone into her husband’s house whom he dislikes; or to go out when he does not want her to; or to obey anyone else against him; or to forsake his bed; or to hit him. If he is wrong, then let her come to him until he is pleased with her, and if he accepts her then all is well, Allah (Subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aala) will accept her deeds and make her position stronger, and there will be no sin on her, If he does not accept her, then at least she will have done her best and excused herself in the sight of Allah (Subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aala).”

A woman should not fast if her husband is present, except with his permission she should not allow anyone to enter his house when he is present without his permission whatever she spends of his wealth without him having told her to do so, half of the reward for it will be given to him.”

The point here is the permission of the husband. If a wife gives some of his money in voluntary charity without his permission, then she will not receive any reward: on the contrary it will be recorded as a sin on her part. If she wants to spend in his absence, and she knows that if he knew about it he would give his permission and then she is allowed to do so, otherwise it is not permitted.

Mutual understanding and harmony between husband and wife cannot be achieved unless there is understanding between them on such matters, so that neither of them will fall into such errors and troubles as may damage the marriage which Islam has built on a basis of love and mercy, and sought to maintain its purity, care and harmony.

So who is a true Muslim wife?

The true Muslim is she who is obedient, kind and loving towards her husband, ever eager to please him. She does not disclose his secrets or upset his plans. She stands beside him at times of hardship, offering her support and wise advice. She shares his joys and sorrows. She endears herself to him by the way she looks and behaves, and fills his life with joy and happiness. She encourages him to obey Allah (Subhaanahu wa ta’aala) in different ways, and motivates him by joining him in various activities. She respects his mother and family. She refrains from looking at other men. She keeps away from foolish and worthless talk. She is keen to provide an atmosphere of peace, tranquility and stability for her husband and children. She is strong of character without being rude or aggressive, and is kind and gentle without being weak. She earns the respect of those who speak to her. She is tolerant and forgiving, overlooking errors and never bearing grudges.

Thus the Muslim wife deserves to be the most successful wife. She is the greatest blessing that Allah (Subhaanahu wa ta’aala) may bestow upon a man, and an incomparable source of joy in this life.

The Prophet (Sal) is reported to have said:

“This world is nothing but temporary conveniences, and the greatest joy in this world is a righteous woman.”

SRI LANKA is a beautiful country comprising of different people with different cultures. Naturally, these cultures have mingled with each other and consequently have leaded some groups of people to completely integrate foreign practices into their way of life. While it is beautiful to see people accepting other cultures and adapting to them, it can be a major problem when these cultures contradict our beliefs and ideas.


Muslims already have their unique lifestyle, which is Islam. Those who integrate the Quran and the Sunnah into their lifestyle are no doubt, both successful in this life and the hereafter. However due to lack of knowledge and ignorance, many Sri Lankan Muslims have looked elsewhere for ‘inspirations’ and thus took some practices from the people around them and incorporated them into their lifestyle. Some of these practices go against the notion of Tawheed and are considered to be the highest form of shirk (associating partners with Allah)!


There are many places in a Sri Lankan Muslim lifestyle, foreign practices have been integrated, and one of them is the wedding. For example, I have seen in weddings when the groom comes in, a person from the bride side runs to wash his feet. I asked some elders about the significance behind this and to my surprise they have no idea, they just do it because they ancestors did it. So I decided to do my own research and find out the basis of this practice. Soon after, it became quiet clear that this innocent practice was not as innocent as I thought it was it had shirk written all over it. Basically, the washing of the groom’s feet is also practiced by the Hindus. In the Hindu culture, the bride’s parents wash the groom’s feet in a gesture that symbolises their belief that he is a form of God to whom they now offer their daughter’s hand- absolutely disgusting 😦


Another equally disgraceful practice I witnessed at a Sri Lankan wedding is the circling of a plate with a fire burning, over the bride and groom head. This is done to prevent any evil eyes. Even though this practice is dying out, there are people out there who still do it.


Furthermore, the most common one practiced by many Sri Lankan Muslims is the practice of dowry. Even though the basis of this practice has no shirk present, it still goes against the concept of Islam. Dowry was created in the Hindu culture because the girls were unable to inherit their parent estates when they passed away, so the only solution was to present ‘gifts’ to them when they got married. These gifts were a form of insurance for the girl, when there is an unfortunate event in their life, i.e. when the husband dies. This practice mutated as time went, the parents rights of deciding what they give their child went to the husband. Muslims have mistakenly incorporated this practice into their lifestyle, thus causing chaos in the society.


The only way we can completely omit these pagan traditions is to educate the Muslims of Sri Lanka and bring them back to the ideas presented in our Quran and the Sunnah.


So what kind of un-Islamic traditions have you seen?

Assalamu Alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh

I hope this gets to our readers with the best of Imaan and Knowledge. Ramadan had come and gone! I ask myself the following questions before I put forth to you. Did we make the most out of Ramadan? Or were we busy with the worldly matters? What have we learnt during the month of Ramadan? How can we implement it for the rest of the year?

I should start by firstly thanking Allah azza wa jaal for everything that He has given to us in this Dunya and for giving us the chance to fast and gain rewards during the blessed month of Ramadan. Every good deed we did was multiplied 70 times! Yes! 70 times more than what it would be during other months. I ask Allah to forgive all of our sins and accept our sincere repentance and Duas. Ameen

Masha’Allah this blog has grown lot within its short time period. Jazakallahu khair for all the admins and the visitors for all the effort and making it work. May Allah be pleased with the admins for their effort to educate and spread the right message. As we all know the aim here is to eliminate unIslamic practices of dowry given to the man.

* * Please note that when I mention the word “Dowry” I mean the one “given to the man” and when I mention the word “Mahr” I mean it to be the one given to the woman by the man. * *

There are certain things in Islam that would change when the right amount of knowledge is available. Cigarettes were once allowed and considered Makrooh (Permissible but not recommended). Today Cigarettes are forbidden by most of the Ulama (scholars) because of its side effects and disease it causes. It is just a matter of time we all see the error of giving out dowry to the man. It is a cycle just as Hafsa mentioned in her article “What goes around comes around…. Ten times harder!” and it only seem to get deadlier.

Narrated by ‘Urwa bin Az-Zubair: That he had asked ‘Aisha about the meaning of the Statement of Allah: “If you fear that you shall not Be able to deal justly With the orphan girls, then Marry (Other) women of your choice Two or three or four.” (4.3)

She said, “O my nephew! This is about the orphan girl who lives with her guardian and shares his property. Her wealth and beauty may tempt him to marry her without giving her an adequate Mahr (bridal-money) which might have been given by another suitor. So, such guardians were forbidden to marry such orphan girls unless they treated them justly and gave them the most suitable Mahr; otherwise they were ordered to marry any other woman.”

‘Aisha further said, “After that verse the people again asked the Prophet peace be upon him (about the marriage with orphan ‘girls), so Allah revealed the following verses:– ‘They ask your instruction Concerning the women. Say: Allah Instructs you about them And about what is Recited unto you In the Book, concerning The orphan girls to whom You give not the prescribed portions and yet whom you Desire to marry…” (4.127) What is meant by Allah’s Saying:– ‘And about what is Recited unto you is the former verse which goes:– ‘If you fear that you shall not Be able to deal justly With the orphan girls, then Marry (other) women of your choice.’ (4.3) ‘

Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her) said, “Allah’s saying in the other verse:–‘Yet whom you desire to marry’ (4.127) means the desire of the guardian to marry an orphan girl under his supervision when she has not much property or beauty (in which case he should treat her justly). The guardians were forbidden to marry their orphan girls possessing property and beauty without being just to them, as they generally refrain from marrying them (when they are neither beautiful nor wealthy).”  (Sahih Bukhari Book #44, Hadith #674)

Today, the importance of Mahr is looked at as low priority than the importance given to Dowry.

Mahr was divinely revealed to mankind and it’s the right of every woman in marriage. Dowry and demanding for dowry is an innovation to the religion of Allah. It’s a part of the human made system at error now recognized due to its harmful reactions to all that’s stuck within it.

Ahal-us-Sunnah wal-Jamaah perspective

Being a Muslim means to follow the Qur’an and the Sunnah

Every culture has its own practices but some are Islamicly permissible and some are not. Mixing in cultures with Deen other than the clothing and food is what causes issues such as dowry.

The practice of dowry initially started so that the woman of the family would inherit from her family’s wealth. Later, the whole practice turned into a demand when the husband of that woman started to inherit it from his wife as naturally what she owns was also considered his.

When looked deeper into the culture system today, one can see the issue of dowry arise when woman of that certain culture is looked as a burden. She’s looked as another person to take care of so they demand a compensation to take care of her.

Other cultures give out dowry so that their daughter will gain a respectable stance within her in-laws, hence will be protected by the husband and his family from abuse. Sadly, it’s the parents of the bride who suffer in-between when they are asked for a certain amount to take over their daughter who’s looked as a burden.

As Muslims we do not see the woman as a burden to us but as a blessing upon us and humankind in general. From the time of Adam (May Allah be pleased with him) till today woman have played a great role upon our lives and especially a greater role in Religion of Islam.

The most beloved to our Prophet was Kadijah (May Allah be pleased with her), the pilgrimage we do every year for Hajj is what Hajjar (May Allah be pleased with her) the wife of Ibrahim (May Allah be pleased with him) did and one of our highest ranked scholars in Islam is Ayesha (May Allah be pleased with her).

The point I’m trying to get at is, our religion does not allow room to see a woman as a burden to us, so why are we following the practice of Dowry? Which draws a statement to say that woman is a burden?

Let her be your grandmother, mother, sister, your wife or your daughter she is special and indeed she deserves the best from you.

Woman was created not from the feet to be stepped on,

not from the head to be over him

but from the rib so that she could be protected under his arm

and close to his heart so she could be loved!

Islam has been stereotyped by the non-Muslims to be the religion which does not give enough rights to the woman.

That message is false; just ask a Muslim woman about it and not CNN, BBC, Times Magazine, a non-practicing or a non-Muslim woman!

As Muslims, we are obligated to treat women with respect, dignity and with a higher stance.

Then why are we following the “women degrading” practice of dowry? Why should we oh Muslim create a demand for ourselves by putting a price tag on her and ourselves? A price to pay for us in order to sell ourselves and a price we charge for her to take over a soul as a burden from her family? Is that why we ask for dowry? And is that why they give us dowry?

Allah has prescribed marriage and made it easy upon the Ummah of Prophet Muhammed (May the peace and blessing of Allah be upon him) so we stay away from that which is Haram. Cultural practices had made marriage so hard for us to a point affordably issues come right after the intension for marriage. The Sunnah of marriage is as simple as Mahr, a simple Nikkah and a Walema but not many of us practice it that way.

It is narrated in the Hadith that Allah’s Messenger (May the peace and blessing of Allah be upon him) said:

What I fear most for you is a form of Shirk.” When asked about it, he said,


(Showing off)”

Let us ponder upon this Insha’Allah.

This article was created for educational purposes only. If there was any good in it then it’s from Allah azza wa jaal, if there was any bad in it then its from me and Shaitan. There are no Fatwa’s (Rulings) stated in here other than what Allah and His Messenger has lain upon the people of Muhammed (May the peace and blessing of Allah be upon him!)

None of the statements about cultures were inclined towards a specific culture but cultures in general

We should ask Allah that he makes it easy upon us to eliminate the demands for dowry in a marriage. Ask Allah to remove such practice from our hearts for it directly or indirectly makes us guilty of Ar-Riya and being unjust to our women.

After reading the post ‘Marriage in Islam’, an interesting concept called the ‘dowry cycle’ caught my attention. Basically this dowry cycle addresses the ongoing dowry practise that occurs in many societies.

But who is it that really gets caught in it and suffers the most? Almost everyone will say the bride, well, even I would agree with you but it is only after I gave it some more thought that I realised that this isn’t the case. The funny thing is that this unfortunate person, I’m talking about is the person who thinks that they are getting the best side of the deal but in fact this is the person who enters the ongoing dowry cycle by choice.

So who is it? Simple – Its the Groom.

My dear readers- this might come as a shock to you, as you might be thinking…

“Well, this is the person who becomes the owner of a new property at the time of marriage.” or “This is the person, who gets a large sum of cash on their wedding.”

In my life – I have seen many grooms receive dowry at the time of marriage thinking that this is the key ingredient in order to start a new happy marriage life but in reality they are the ones fooling themselves.

The after effects of this practise has been concealed in our society and is hardly talked about. It normally stops at ‘the groom took the bride and the dowry and lived happily ever after”.

Fortunately, I was lucky enough to witness the effects that dowry had on one’s life. I knew of a man who was well-known, wealthy and alhamdulilah was blessed with many girls.

When the time of marriage came for his daughter, this man decided to go ‘husband’ shopping with the intention of finding a well-educated man and I don’t mean any ‘educated’ man, rather he was seeking a university educated man (doctor, engineer etc) and was willing to pay the demanded dowry.

The bottom line was that this man focused on the worldly aspects of his future son-in-law and neglected the religious side. As a result, he had to dig deep in his pockets in order to pay the almost unrealistic dowry of building a fully furnished house in the village, giving the only family house in the city, 500 000 rupees in cash, kilos of gold and all the expenses for that extravagant wedding. He even bought expensive items for the grooms side, so they can bring it to the wedding as presents and claim it is from them. All these ‘gifts’ added up to more then the man’s life savings.

Wow! You’d be thinking… The groom will be entirely satisfied, but even into the wedding, the groom’s family requested for more.

…. “I think your family mentioned another a block of land that you agreed to give as dowry but didn’t??”

Consequently, this man was left near bankruptcy, in debt, emotionally unstable and to make it worse he had 4 single daughters left.

After hearing this – my mind couldn’t comprehend this story – why did this man’s family had to go through all this?

But it was only when I entered this man’s past and saw that this man had once committed the same thing. He too placed such a unbearable dowry on his wife’s family at the time of his marriage and during his marriage.

“What comes around, goes around, ten times harder! ….. Justice was served.”

I bet you will be still feeling sorry for the this poor old man, but who I really feel sorry for now is the groom. For he just voluntarily stepped into the path of the dangerous ‘dowry cycle’.

Thank god, this man learned his lesson, prayed for Allah’s forgiveness and vowed never to let his remaining sons demand dowry nor allow his remaining daughters be married in such a degrading way. Nevertheless, Allah had granted his wish and brought him many pious men who were willing to marry his daughters without the hefty price tag (dowry).

But on the contrary, I have heard of men who don’t take dowry from their wives end up marrying off their sisters and daughters in an honourable and proper Islamic way -No Dowry and Only Mahr.

In conclusion, for those who took dowry – it is better for you to repent, extinguish the dowry cycle and stop it from plaguing your future generations.

As for those who are yet to get married, avoid the temptation of asking for dowry because wealth is one of the temporary aspects of this dunya (worldly life). Stay clear of the dowry cycle!

“Wealth and children are [but] adornment of the worldly life. But the enduring good deeds are better to your Lord for reward and better for [one’s] hope.” [46, Al Kahf 18]

So with this in mind,

Which path will you chose?

Dowry Haram or Halal?

The practice of dowry given from the bride to the groom will only stop with co-operation from everyone Insha’Allah. We the youth/young adults have to take this seriously and do some serious Da’wah to our parents about what’s Islamic and what’s merely a cultural practice. Dowry is just one of many misconceptions in the Deen of Islam. Dowry for the man is UnIslamic so let’s keep our elders warned about this as nothing to do with Islam.

Then isn’t Mahr the same?!?

Mahr is a must for a marriage to be Islamically accepted and it’s given from the groom to the bride. A man cannot marry a woman without giving her the Mahr she requested. If a marriage happened without Mahr then it’s an obligation on the husband to pay his wife the average amount of Mahr given in their community by the groom to the bride according to her family status. What the man can afford and what the woman can live with is what the man offers. If the guy is poor and the girl happens to be rich she cannot expect him to give her all what she had but she has to manage with what he can bring to her. If she thinks she can’t then she shouldn’t get married to him, simple as that. One should also not expect her father to financially support her luxury, take Fathima RA as an example.

I don’t have the means to support her!… she can get expensive!… sometimes

If the guy cannot afford a Mahr or to support a family, then it’s not obligated on him to marry in Islam. Ofcourse there are some marriages that happen upon a ONE dollar Mahr. I guess it mostly depends on the soul or a person and the intension of their marriage. Did one plan to marry for the sake of Allah, for the sake of getting away from Fitnah and Zinnah or did they do it for worldly gains?

If one thinks he cannot afford a house or a car to support his family then he should wait till he can actually afford it but not demand such things from the bride. If one can afford to marry then let him do so, if he cannot then he shouldn’t… it’s as simple as that. Marriage is an obligation for every capable man in Islam. One acceptable reason for not marrying is when the man cannot afford to get married.

The Muslim man chooses his life partner commonly by the three main things; her beauty, wealth and Imaan. A man who chooses a woman of the best Imaan is like a man who chose the most valuable pearl.

Where is this “Dowry” coming from?

Dowry (given to the man) is not Islamic, it’s more of a Hindu practice. From what I have noticed, Sri Lankan Sunni Muslims are confused with their religion and Madhab. It’s not Islamic to grave worship, it’s not Islamic to build Masjid over graves; it’s not Islamic to ask the dead for favors, it’s not ISLAMIC to slaughter an animal for other than Allah azza wa jaal, ITS NOT ISLAMIC TO ASK SOME HAZARATH TO PRAY FOR YOU IN EXCHANGE FOR MONEY! Subhan’Allah

Say WHAT!?

If one wish to revive ones Islamic knowledge, Tauhid is the place to start Insha’Allah it would clear many doubts.

Kitab At-Tauhid (The Oneness of Allah) By: Muhammed Bin Abdul Wahab


Okie.. so my Grandpa says dowry is okay… from what I know he is the most knowledgeable person in my family! about Islam!

Islam should not be followed by what you think is right or what I think other than what Allah and the Rasul’Allah Muhammed Sallahu ‘Alaihi Wasallam said. It’s our duty as Muslims to understand the guidance of Allah azza jaal and act upon it. Dowry to the man is NOT an Islamic practice and something which goes against what a man should do in a marriage according to the Sunnah. It’s not Haram because it doesn’t say in the Qur’an or Sunnah as such but it’s not Islamicly proper to ask for dowry or give them. If a whole group of Muslims do it generations after generations it automatically becomes an Islamic practice from just merely a cultural practice.

When people practice something unIslamic for generations the origin of their knowledge is lost and hence been looked as an Islamic practice. There are many in today’s time who says dowry (given to the man) is actually Islamic. Ibn Abbas (May Allah be pleased with him) commented on the following verses of the Qur’an.

“And they have said: You shall not leave your gods, nor shall you leave Wadd nor Suwa` nor Yaghuth nor Ya’uq nor Nasr (names of the idols).”


He said:

“These are the names of some righteous persons from Noah’s (Nuh) people. When they passed away, Satan inspired their people to set up statues in their honour and set them in their gathering places, and to give these statues the names of those departed. They did this but did not worship them until these people passed away and knowledge of their origins were forgotten, then they were worshipped.

Are we forgetting the hereafter?

Playing with Allah’s religion and bringing in an innovation to the religion of Allah makes such person end up gaining the most severe of punishments. The punishment of blindly following what’s not true is severe. The punishment for following a certain thing knowing it’s an innovation to the religion and supporting such causes is even more severe. May Allah save us all from such punishments.

‘Abdullah reported Allah’s Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying; I shall be there at the Cistern before you, and I shall have to contend for some people, but I shall have to yield. I would be saying: My Lord, they are my friends, they are my friends, and it would be said: You don’t know what innovations they made after you. (Sahih Muslim Book #030, Hadith #5690)

Dowry (given to the man) is just one of many misconceptions of Islam in Sri Lanka and in many other parts of the world. Insha’Allah it could only be removed if every person takes the initiative to revive ones Islamic knowledge and to understand the oneness of Allah.


Any new way of worship other than what the Qur’an and Sunnah says is a biddah and any implementation of cultural practices in Islam calling it “Islamic” is obviously also an Innovation to the religion of Islam.

But… the scholars of Islam… their mindset is sooo.. Pre Medieval… or Middle East?

Allah’s guidance is for all time periods and there is no such thing as modern or ancient. Many have the misunderstanding that in the modern world most of the knowledge about family, social and economic issues is in these modern social science fields and our scholars of Islam don’t get it. That’s like someone saying Allah’s guidance is not compatible with the current generations and that it has to be “updated” Subhan’Allah. Family and social guidance is one of the key topics in the Qur’an and Sunnah. Many of our sisters are not simply wearing the Niqaab because it’s a fashion statement but it’s in the Sunnah and the Qur’an. Many of our brothers are not just having a beard because it’s a fashion statement but because it’s in the Sunnah to do so. If one stays away from certain non-maharam then it’s because firstly it says in the Qur’an and Sunnah to do so and they are aware of the evil that comes with such issues because that too is said in the Qur’an and the Sunnah.

Allah the Exalted said:

“Say you (O Muhammad (May the peace and blessing of Allah be upon him): ‘This is my way; I invite unto Allah (i.e. to the Oneness of Allah –Islamic Monotheism) (with sure knowledge), I and whosoever follows me with sure knowledge. And Glorified and Exalted is Allah (above all that they associate as partners with Him), and I am not of the polytheists.’ “

(12: 108 )

What if they don’t listen to me? 8)

Allah azza wa jaal guides who he wills and it’s not upto anyone to determine the faith of a person. Allah the Almighty stated:

“Verily, you (O Muhammad) guide not whom you like, but Allah guides whom He wills. And He knows best those who are the guided.”


Insha’Allah lets look deeper into our Islamic practices and take throw away the biddah for they will do no good for anyone.

Allah the Most Exalted said:

“Whosoever desires the life of the world and its glitter; to them we shall pay in full (the wages of) their deeds therein and they will have no diminution therein. They are those for whom there is nothing in the Hereafter but the Fire; and vain are the deeds they did therein. And of no effect is that which they used to do.”

(11: 15, 16)

Anas (May Allah be pleased with him) also narrated that the Prophet (May the peace and blessing of Allah be upon him) said:

“Whoever possesses the following three (qualities), will have the sweetness (delight) of Faith: (1) The one to whom Allah (May Allah be pleased with him) and His Messenger (Muhammad (May the peace and blessing of Allah be upon him) ) are more beloved than anything else; (2) The one who loves another only for Allah’s sake; (3) The one who hates to convert to disbelief after Allah has rescued him from it, as he hates to be thrown into the fire.” (Al-Bukhari and Muslim)

If there is any good in what is said then it’s from Allah azza wa jaal. If there was anything evil in which is said then me soul is accountable for it and Shaitan.

This article is intended to educate and revive certain aspects of belief in Al-Islam. It was not meant to criticize another persons personal beliefs or opinion that has to do with other than the Qur’an and Sunnah i.e. Islam.